Lost. And hoping to be found.

Saturday October 5th, 2018

It's been just over a week that we have been in China and just like so many people told us the vacation vibrations are wearing off and the heavy reality that is is "home" now is hitting hard. Mom received news last night that our dearest kitty Blue ran away from Grandpa's house where she was supposed to stay. Mom broke the news this morning. We're all a pretty broken up about it. Not just because Blue was the absolute best cat but on a deeper level... we're running out of things to come back to. And that's scary.

Life in Utah was fine. It was comfortable and safe. But personally the routine and monotony was crippling my character and caging my spirit. I was running out of desire to change and improve. We all were. And that's why we needed to mix things up. (Among many other things of course) So now we're here. The other side of the world meeting people we've never met and seeing brand new things. There's new smells and constant sound. Things couldn't possibly be more different. But  I'm realizing that forcing ourselves to accept a new lifestyle, culture, language, and family roles might be the hardest thing we've had to go through. Part of me wonders if it's worth it. What exactly are we doing this for anyway?

Tuesday October 9th, 2018

Well, time rolls on and with it we go. Our emotions change as does our perspective and state of mind & heart. And just as surely as everything seemed doomed and dark the light reappears bringing with it hope and reassurance. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay.

Mom started work yesterday, we were all a little apprehensive about what this big change would entail as far as our family dynamic goes but we have been greatly blessed and it is working out just fine. Mom works from 9-12pm and then is able to come home for a two hour lunch! We are also so lucky to have found an apartment just a short 10 minute walk away from her work. She heads back to work just before 2 pm and returns home at 5pm to join us for dinner and other outings. We were unaware of the 2 hour break, we had assumed she would be away for eight hours everyday. We have been so guided and are forever grateful for Mom's colleagues and all their help in getting us settled, dad's ability to work remotely, and all the other little blessings that have been sprinkled in our path.

For example: On Saturday after we heard the news that Blue was lost, Mom was talking to family on the phone in her room while Audrey was laying on the bed wanting to process this tragic event with her. From the living room I heard mom exclaim, "Oh my gosh there's a cat at the window! It must be here to deliver a message sent from Blue."

Sure enough an unusually friendly orange tabby cat sat mewing at our (rain stained) window. Paige and I rushed in to investigate and a few minutes later, despite Dad's unsupportive statements Paige was climbing out the little window and picking up this very nice cat. And a few minutes after that, despite common logic and Dad's now adamant "no's" Paige was climbing back through the window, kitty in hands to introduce him/her to the rest of us. (yes it probably had fleas, and worms, and maybe rabies but hEy mourning makes you do weird/impulsive things okay?)

We decided this little kitty was too friendly to be a stray and probably belongs to someone in a nearby apartment, we gave her some food and water which she didn't eat. I guess she really just felt she was supposed to be here with Audrey and Paige as they came to terms with the new fact that their precious kitty wouldn't be waiting for them when they came home.

But we stand in awe every moment at the grace and love poured upon us daily. Last night we learned that Grandpa miraculously found Blue! She's safe again with him and we hope she won't try any more stunts like that for the next two years. It seems so far that all of our experiences have only reinforced our motto: "it will all work out". It's up to us to simply trust the process, believe that whatever happens is for our growth. It doesn't always seem good at first; we sometimes feel much like I'm sure our kitty felt when we abandoned her in a new house, with other cats, and strange people. Wanting to run way. To go back to how it used to be. Little does she know Grandpa feeds wet cat food twice a day and maybe it would be nice to make friends with another feline. And maybe—in this new place where people stare at us constantly and rice is getting old really quick—just maybe there's something more here than discomfort and foreign food. For now we're just trusting this is where we are supposed to be. We're excited to be found by the people and things waiting to remind us why we're here. And we're really hoping it's better than wet cat food.

"If you don't throw yourself into something, you'll never know what you could have had." -Amy Winehouse